Alabama Pastor's Testimony
As far back as I can remember, I have be curious about girls or women. I wanted to see how they were different than boys or men. Because I am an introvert by nature, I did not force girls or trick girls to do sexual things. I would not go farther than what they allowed. I would mostly look, but was afraid to touch them. I would also look a porn when it was available to me. My earliest memory of actual porn was when I was around 14. I bought some magazines from a little store and I was on my way home when I got hit by a hit and run driver. The police found the magazines and asked if they were mine, and I denied it. I knew it was wrong. About a year or so later God saved me. I got saved at boys' meeting at a Bible believing Baptist church, but no one warned me about the dangers of porn. A few months after I got saved, God called me to preach at a Christian Camp. From then on I knew that God wanted me to serve Him, but I did not know in what capacity.
After I graduated High School, I went to a Bible College. I did not ever think of myself as being addicted to porn. I knew it was wrong, but it was something I just liked to look at. Now I realize the addicting nature of porn and that I was addicted to it. I have struggled with it all of my life. I just considered it my besetting sin (Heb. 12:1). I realize now how damaging porn is to all who are touch by it and realize that the devil's most effective tool to get me to view it was curiosity. I would wonder what I could see for free. I knew that I could not pay to see it, because the method of payment could be traced. So I only looked at the free stuff on the Internet. Then one day my wife found out what I had been viewing and boy was she mad. She wanted me to get help, but I did not know where to get help. I did not know who to turn to. I did not know anyone that I could trust to talk with about it. I was embarrassed about it and did not know who I could talk to that would be confidential, because I am a pastor. After my wife found out what I had been looking at, I stayed away from porn, because I knew what it would do to our relationship.
A few years ago, one of the members of our church made up a web site for our church. Somehow In-purity ministry e-mailed me to tell me about the devotions. Annonomously, I started taking the course. It has been a tremendous blessing to me. Most of the stuff that was presented was already familiar to me, because I have been in Bible believing churches for years. But, the fact that someone cared enough to write devotions and the fact of accountability has really helped me. It is good to be reminded of the truths of the Bible.
If I had to pick one thing that helped me the most, I would say the illustration about the baby of the backwards couple that was so dirty that no one in the church nursery wanted to touch it. They loved it, but were afraid to touch it. That is how God is with my sin. He still loves me, but He can not touch me and get close to me, because He is too pure for that. Thank God for His holiness.
As I finish the last lesson of the course, the verse that I think I need more than any other is "Let him that thinketh he standeth, take heed, lest he fall." I do not want to fall into the snares of the devil ever again. God bless you and keep you, my friend.
